Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things to come to terms with in your life. Suffering a bereavement while at University can add additional stress to the situation. You might be away from home or be coping with academic pressures. Welfare@CampusLife are here to help you with information and advice at this difficult time.
What is it all about?
How You May Be Feeling
Grief is natural when you lose a loved one, yet everyone will experience it differently. You may feel like you should be crying but feel you can’t, or you may feel you can’t stop feeling weepy yet don’t understand why. There is no ‘one’ way that you should be feeling at any given time. Remember that not everyone will experience these feelings as separate stages. You may feel more than one thing at once.
| Emotion | How it may make you feel |
|---|---|
| Shock | It is common to feel numbness and have little reaction when first hearing the news. It takes time to process the reality that someone you love has died. |
| Tearfulness | You may feel very sad and cry a lot. This is a perfectly natural reaction. It is also natural for some people to cry very little. It is sometimes difficult to control crying and it can happen unexpectedly. Don’t feel embarrassed by this. |
| Exhaustion | Grief can make you feel mentally and physically exhausted. You may find yourself taking on extra responsibility at this point, which might lead to exhaustion. For example, you could be looking after another member of the family due to the death. |
| Anger | Some people can feel angry that someone died, possibly looking for someone to blame for their loss. If your bereavement is following suicide, you may feel anger that the person did not let you know how they were feeling. |
| Guilt | It is common for some people to experience guilt after they have been bereaved. This can be because they feel they should have done more to prevent the death, or because they feel guilty for feeling angry with the person who has left them. |
| Withdrawal | Withdrawal from social events is normal. Not feeling like you can face you friends is normal, but some people find that keeping busy helps. |
| Relief | In some circumstances, this is good. If the person you loved was suffering for a long time due to illness, sometimes their death can come as a relief to know they are no longer suffering. |
| Depressed | You may begin to feel utterly hopeless and in despair, you may feel like life is not worth as much without the person you love. If you do experience this, it’s important to visit your GP. |
These feelings will gradually fade and become less painful over time, and you’ll find you are able to talk about your loved one without feeling upset.
Practical tips & advice
Things To Try That May Help You
| Things to try | Why this can help |
|---|---|
| Be patient with yourself | Give yourself time to accept what has happened. There is no timeframe for when you should experience certain emotions. Try not to fight your feelings. Allow time for your thoughts and feelings. |
| Talk to someone | Talk to someone about how you are feeling. You may not necessarily find the advice helpful, but the act of talking about your feelings may be useful in itself. Talking to your friends and family will help; it will save you from locking up your feelings. Some people feel like they cannot talk to their friends or family, you can try speaking to a local bereavement counsellor instead. See 'further support' section below for more information about who to talk to in the University. |
| Speak to your GP | If you are feel that your grief is impacting on your everyday life and this has been going on for some time, it may be helpful for you to speak to your GP. They will be able to check on your overall health and can refer you for further support. |
| Cut down on alcohol | Some people can look to alcohol to boost their mood while they are grieving and may feel like it numbs the pain. It is important not to use alcohol as an emotional crutch. This may lead to alcohol dependency. |
| Eat well | Making sure you are getting the right foods is important. Not eating well, will have an impact on how you are feeling. |
| Exercise | Gentle and regular exercise can help to boost your mood naturally. Getting out of the house and into nature also gives you a sense of purpose. Your overall health will improve. |
| Do something practical | Use your hands and concentrate on a craft you enjoy. Bake a cake, get out the sewing machine, fix your bike or even give yourself a manicure. Getting away from social media for a few hours and doing something practical can help to slow down your racing thoughts. Practising mindfulness (being in the moment) can help to improve symptoms of anxiety and depression. |
| Notifying The University Of Your Loss | It is important to notify your Faculty Student Information and Experience Team (find out who to contact here) and your Personal Tutor of your bereavement. They will then be aware of your situation should you need to be absent from any lectures or tutorial meetings. They can give you advice on any worries you might have about upcoming exams or assessments. |
| Attending the funeral | Make sure you tell your Faculty if you are going to be taking time off for the funeral. They can put it on your attendance record. Contact your lecturers of the classes you are going to miss, just so they are aware of the reasons you are missing. |
| Extenuating Circumstances & Deferral Of Exams | The death or serious illness of a close relative or friend can be regarded as extenuating circumstances which may affect your performance at the University. This means that you possibly can submit a request for extenuating circumstances for assessment, or deferral of examinations to your Faculty. If approved, you could have a deadline extension or the component omitted. If your deferral request is approved, you could sit your exam uncapped in the next exam period. Deferral requests need to be submitted within 5 working days of each exam. Please note that all requests would need to have appropriate supporting documents provided, in order to be considered. In the case of a bereavement, this would usually mean providing a copy of the death certificate or funeral programme. In the case of a serious illness, this would likely be in the form of relevant medical documents. |
Where to go for further support
Support within the University
This is a group that meets to support students who are suffering any kind of bereavement. It might be that you have lost a friend or family member, recently or even a while ago. Whatever the circumstance of your loss then this might be the group for you. The group lasts an hour and gives an opportunity to share with others who might be going through similar feelings and experiences to yourself. We recognise that grief is different for everyone but that also it is good to know that you are not alone. The group is facilitated by a member of the Chaplaincy Team and one of the Wellbeing counsellors. Please do not feel that you have to manage your grief alone. There is help here for you.
Listening Service
Faith@CampusLife's listening service offers a listening ear to whoever needs it – irrespective of religion, if any. These chats can happen via phone or video calling, whichever you feel most comfortable using. If you would like to speak to a particular member of the team then please indicate who that is when you contact them. To access this service please contact Listeningservice.campuslife@swansea.ac.uk
Faculty Student Information/Experience Team
You can contact the Faculty Student Information / Experience staff in your Faculty who can offer you practical advice, guidance, and signposting to appropriate services. They can also discuss the extenuating circumstances process with you should you need to use this. You can find a list of the contact details for Faculty Information / Experience staff here.
You can read more about the extenuating circumstances process here.
Wellbeing
Swansea University’s Wellbeing Service provides mental health and autistic spectrum condition (ASC) guidance and support to students: this includes one-to-one support with mental health and autism practitioners, mentors and counsellors, academic adjustments and self-help resources and courses. You can view the range of support available here. You can also request support by completing the Wellbeing Support Request Form. The Wellbeing Service can be contacted by email at wellbeingdisability@swansea.ac.uk
Health and Wellbeing Academy
The Health and Wellbeing Academy in partnership with CRUSE, will offer support groups to children and young people who need post bereavement support in the Swansea area.
The support groups will be run by experienced bereavement counsellors, a trained CRUSE volunteer and supervised by two student nurses from the Faculty of Medicine, Health & Life Science.
Groups of up to 8 will meet one evening a week, and have a chance to take part in facilitated group activities designed to encourage sharing of grief experiences. There will also be a number of peer support activates including exercise, games, arts and crafts and musical activities.
For further information please contact them on 01792 518600 or email HWAcademy@swansea.ac.uk
External Support
Samaritans
If you need information or you are worried about something, feel upset or confused, or you just want to talk to someone, the SAMARITANS provide confidential emotional support, 24 hours a day. Contact the Samaritans by email or at www.samaritans.org or phone (from the UK) 08457 90 90 90 or 116 123 from a mobile.
Cruse Bereavement
The Cruse Bereavement Care Freephone National Helpline is staffed by trained bereavement volunteers, who offer emotional support to anyone affected by bereavement.
They give you space to talk about your bereavement and how you’ve been coping. The volunteers are completely non-judgemental and won’t share what you’ve told them with anyone else, except in certain circumstances.
You can call them on 0808 808 1677
Bereavement Advice Centre
The Bereavement Advice Centre provide practical information and advice and signposting on the many issues and procedures that face us after the death of someone close.
NHS Bereavement Support
The NHS have lots of practical advice on their webpage which you may find helpful. It advises you of things to do as well as things not to do.